When I really started to get good, and could escalate with any woman very quickly, I think about all the women I slept with but couldn't keep around.
And it's quite sad.
So many women had the potential to be great girlfriends.
But I had my head up my ass.
...maybe that's a little harsh.
But either way it comes down to TWO distinct problems:
First, I was trying to prove something to myself. I was still a recovering
nerd. And I've never fully recovered. But I've stopped trying to recover. And
that's what's made me move past this "proving myself" thing.
I've accepted who I am.
Sure, I like comic books and video games.
But...
Do you think women have cooler interests?
Is Myspace, shopping and getting drunk any cooler than what I'm into?
It's all relative.
What it really comes down to is self-acceptance.
A woman won't accept you if you don't accept yourself.
Can you imagine a woman wanting to be your girlfriend when you don't like yourself?
She will HATE your company and not want to be around you.
Because if you don't like yourself, you can't really like her. And if you do like her, but not yourself, then you look like a total loser. And who wants to date a loser?
Although it sounds easy, self-acceptance is extremely rare. How often do you hear
people say, "I don't care what anyone thinks of me!"
In my experience, almost NO ONE accepts themselves completely.
And I'm no exception.
The degree to which you accept yourself is the degree to which women find you
attractive, and people want to be around you.
It can be really hard to accept yourself more. Old beliefs creep in and tell you
that you are not enough, that you must be more than you are.
But the degree to which you banish these thoughts is the degree to which your
game becomes better.
Because game is really about being yourself, not doubting yourself. And game doesn't stop after your opener, after sex, after a few dates. It never stops.
Because it is you.
You are not separate from your game.
Your game IS YOU. The "game" is thedegree to which you can express who you really are.
"But I'm nervous and insecure and awkward" you might be thinking. I disagree. That's not you.
That is the distorted you.
That is you trying to come out, but your ego, your old mental habits stop you from
expressing what you really want to express.
Before I get too deep into that, I want to move on to the second reason why I
couldn't keep women around after I slept with them.
I wasn't aware of shaping.
And shaping is all about knowing what YOU want. If you don't know what you want, you can't shape. And knowing what you want is really just an extension of self-acceptance.
In fact, it's self-acceptance, applied to others. You know what you like, and
you encourage women to be that for you.
You see, women are very flexible. They have many sides that they can reveal to
a man. Men usually implicitly tell women to be selfish, mean, and act like they
are better than the man.
But it's not really her fault. She's just doing what she's told. Women are always looking to men to get a sense of reality.
So if you approach a woman and treat her like she's on a pedestal, she will act
accordingly.
If you approach her and treat her like she's lucky you talked to her, she'll feel that way.
Likewise, after sex, if you treat her like she should stay in your life and
nurture your lifestyle, she will do so.
We go into this heavily in our workshops. I've developed lots of ways to shape a woman to be EXACTLY the kind of woman I want in my life.
And each woman is different. For example, I may want one woman to be just a sex partner. I may want another woman to be a sugar mama! I may want another one to be a girlfriend. It all depends on what you want.
I remember all the crappy, frustrating relationships I used to have.
I remember all the hookups I had as a young pickup artist, and how frustrating it was to not see those women again.
But once I began to accept myself and figure out what I wanted, it all came together.
The Attraction Code is all about figuring out who you are, accepting and cultivating your character, and then applying that to the women you want to meet, sleep with, and date.
If you're struggling with self acceptance and letting the real YOU shine through
The Attraction Code is a MUST HAVE.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
How to Manage Your Time when Meeting Women - Part 1
Dating can be your best pal.
...OR your worst adversary.
Most of the time, a man can feel like a slave
to his natural need to procreate.
Then there goes a common quote, "He thinks
with his... You know."
Well it is hard NOT think that way if you are
physically unsatisfied.
But men are also goal oriented.
We are doers, and need to achieve things and
affect the world in a positive way.
One of the biggest challenges I've personally
faced is balancing the two - my urges and
achieving my goals.
When you are single, dating can take a lot of
time. If you don't know what you're doing,
women will suck away at your time.
Before you know it, you are spending hours in
the park, feeding the birds and cuddling...
there's nothing wrong with spending a quality
time with your girlfriend, AS LONG AS YOU
DON'T compromise YOUR GOALS IN LIFE.
Goals take time, and so do women.
In fact, it's their NATURE to take up a man's
time - it's her way of getting you to invest
in her. That way there's less chance of you
leaving if she gets pregnant (this comes from
our caveman days, so to speak).
It is really tricky to manage your time with
women. You see, giving their time to women is
what most guys WANT to give. By nature men are
"givers." They like to please women, protect
them, and give them good feelings.
Men also have a urges that can completely take
over your thoughts.
Both of these things can get of you making the
most of your life, your time.
Now take a minute to ask yourself about this,
"WHAT DO I REALLY WANT TO GIVE TO WOMEN?"
Now I know it wasn't about "money," or
"control over my life," or "lots of my free
time."
It was probably something like "feeling of
safety, good feelings, sexual pleasure,
excitement, relaxation, make her smile or feel
good about herself, etc."
There are two ways that I think why men have
problems with how they use their time with
women.
First, they overcompensate with other stuff -
like spending too much time or money on a
woman because they think that the gifts they
REALLY wanted to give aren't that valuable.
Second, men think that they are "getting"
something valuable when a woman spends her
time with them.
Guys was brainwash by the society to believe
that women are a prize to attain, and that
there's some inherent value in a pretty face.
It's a LIE!
The best thing is to see women for what they
are, nothing more, nothing less. They are
cute, sometimes fun, but ultimately not that
important, AND THEY CAN'T COMPLETE YOUR LIFE!
Now it can be really hard to break out of this
mental prison of feeling inferior to women.
Your mental habits are subtle and hard to
notice because you've been doing them for
years.
Young men are taught that their urges is
crude and silly, and that it is just a favor
that women ALLOWS them to mate with them.
There's a syndrome that I call a "doofus dad"
syndromeThere's another societal factor going
on, . In almost every TV commercial and
sitcom, the "dad" or "boyfriend" or "husband"
is a dopey, incompetent goof, and the
mom/daughter/girlfriend/wife has to use her
superior intelligence to fix the situation.
This will bring to the idea that the time of
the women is more valuable than men because of
the perception that women are "better."
You will feel obligated to give a woman a LOT
OF TIME if your time is not so valuable.
But here's the thing - if you are giving a
woman too much time, you won't be present for
most of that time. You will be distracted,
resentful, you will give her your "half-assed"
attention.
I just realize this after analyzing lots of
dates I went on women.
After that I started to give my FULL ATTENTION
to women even though I'm only giving a smaller
amounts of my time.
Not only did this make our time better, it
created MASSIVE ATTRACTION because I left
women craving more.
Now my women can't get enough of me - in fact,
I don't GIVE THEM "enough."
You see, "enough" would mean, "overexposure"
to me, and women can't be pulled to what they
already have.
The proper way to manage your time is by being
HONEST. And I don't recommend you to play
games with women and pretend to be busy or
whatever.
No need of games, just be real with the girl -
and don't spend more time that you want.
Enjoy whatever free time you have with women
but still with focus on your personal goals.
Be the man on the go.
Now in a short amount of time it requires that
you are able to meet a lot of women, which
I'll have to cover in another newsletter.
It makes me sad to see men waste their lives
chasing and "putting up with" women, and then
they are buried in their coffin ALONE.
Women aren't property that you can keep or
somehow take with you when you die. Think
about that.
You can't "keep" a woman by investing all your
time with her.
One more thing here - if you start being
honest with the amount of time you are willing
give to a woman, you may feel GUILTY.
It either she will make you feel guilty or you
will feel it on your own. That's ok, it just
means that you have a weak focus.
If you are following your true ways, it will
usually from the social norm.
If you are in the mental habit of adopting the
values others try to impose onto you, you will
most likely experience some discomfort,
tension, guilt, even loneliness at first.
That's why I set and develop the Attraction
Code. It's all about self-control, finding
true path, and letting the real 'you' emerge
from within.
And no, we don't try to impose our values or
goals onto you. We think you'll be able to do
that for yourself, given the proper guidance.
Vin
...OR your worst adversary.
Most of the time, a man can feel like a slave
to his natural need to procreate.
Then there goes a common quote, "He thinks
with his... You know."
Well it is hard NOT think that way if you are
physically unsatisfied.
But men are also goal oriented.
We are doers, and need to achieve things and
affect the world in a positive way.
One of the biggest challenges I've personally
faced is balancing the two - my urges and
achieving my goals.
When you are single, dating can take a lot of
time. If you don't know what you're doing,
women will suck away at your time.
Before you know it, you are spending hours in
the park, feeding the birds and cuddling...
there's nothing wrong with spending a quality
time with your girlfriend, AS LONG AS YOU
DON'T compromise YOUR GOALS IN LIFE.
Goals take time, and so do women.
In fact, it's their NATURE to take up a man's
time - it's her way of getting you to invest
in her. That way there's less chance of you
leaving if she gets pregnant (this comes from
our caveman days, so to speak).
It is really tricky to manage your time with
women. You see, giving their time to women is
what most guys WANT to give. By nature men are
"givers." They like to please women, protect
them, and give them good feelings.
Men also have a urges that can completely take
over your thoughts.
Both of these things can get of you making the
most of your life, your time.
Now take a minute to ask yourself about this,
"WHAT DO I REALLY WANT TO GIVE TO WOMEN?"
Now I know it wasn't about "money," or
"control over my life," or "lots of my free
time."
It was probably something like "feeling of
safety, good feelings, sexual pleasure,
excitement, relaxation, make her smile or feel
good about herself, etc."
There are two ways that I think why men have
problems with how they use their time with
women.
First, they overcompensate with other stuff -
like spending too much time or money on a
woman because they think that the gifts they
REALLY wanted to give aren't that valuable.
Second, men think that they are "getting"
something valuable when a woman spends her
time with them.
Guys was brainwash by the society to believe
that women are a prize to attain, and that
there's some inherent value in a pretty face.
It's a LIE!
The best thing is to see women for what they
are, nothing more, nothing less. They are
cute, sometimes fun, but ultimately not that
important, AND THEY CAN'T COMPLETE YOUR LIFE!
Now it can be really hard to break out of this
mental prison of feeling inferior to women.
Your mental habits are subtle and hard to
notice because you've been doing them for
years.
Young men are taught that their urges is
crude and silly, and that it is just a favor
that women ALLOWS them to mate with them.
There's a syndrome that I call a "doofus dad"
syndromeThere's another societal factor going
on, . In almost every TV commercial and
sitcom, the "dad" or "boyfriend" or "husband"
is a dopey, incompetent goof, and the
mom/daughter/girlfriend/wife has to use her
superior intelligence to fix the situation.
This will bring to the idea that the time of
the women is more valuable than men because of
the perception that women are "better."
You will feel obligated to give a woman a LOT
OF TIME if your time is not so valuable.
But here's the thing - if you are giving a
woman too much time, you won't be present for
most of that time. You will be distracted,
resentful, you will give her your "half-assed"
attention.
I just realize this after analyzing lots of
dates I went on women.
After that I started to give my FULL ATTENTION
to women even though I'm only giving a smaller
amounts of my time.
Not only did this make our time better, it
created MASSIVE ATTRACTION because I left
women craving more.
Now my women can't get enough of me - in fact,
I don't GIVE THEM "enough."
You see, "enough" would mean, "overexposure"
to me, and women can't be pulled to what they
already have.
The proper way to manage your time is by being
HONEST. And I don't recommend you to play
games with women and pretend to be busy or
whatever.
No need of games, just be real with the girl -
and don't spend more time that you want.
Enjoy whatever free time you have with women
but still with focus on your personal goals.
Be the man on the go.
Now in a short amount of time it requires that
you are able to meet a lot of women, which
I'll have to cover in another newsletter.
It makes me sad to see men waste their lives
chasing and "putting up with" women, and then
they are buried in their coffin ALONE.
Women aren't property that you can keep or
somehow take with you when you die. Think
about that.
You can't "keep" a woman by investing all your
time with her.
One more thing here - if you start being
honest with the amount of time you are willing
give to a woman, you may feel GUILTY.
It either she will make you feel guilty or you
will feel it on your own. That's ok, it just
means that you have a weak focus.
If you are following your true ways, it will
usually from the social norm.
If you are in the mental habit of adopting the
values others try to impose onto you, you will
most likely experience some discomfort,
tension, guilt, even loneliness at first.
That's why I set and develop the Attraction
Code. It's all about self-control, finding
true path, and letting the real 'you' emerge
from within.
And no, we don't try to impose our values or
goals onto you. We think you'll be able to do
that for yourself, given the proper guidance.
Vin
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Dating Tips for Men: The Attraction Code
http://www.vindicarlo.com -Vin DiCarlo has just released a new book, the Attraction Code.
You can get a free 45-Audio TeleClass introduction to The Attraction Code by visiting www.vindicarlo.com.
Dating Tips for Men, Dating Tips for Guys.
You can get a free 45-Audio TeleClass introduction to The Attraction Code by visiting www.vindicarlo.com.
Dating Tips for Men, Dating Tips for Guys.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Pickup Artist Phone Game: NoFlakes System
http://www.vindicarlo.com/noflakesdvd
"If YOU Want To Eliminate All The Disappointment That Can Come From Unanswered Calls and Having Women Flake Out on You, Then go to NoFlakesDVD.com"
"If YOU Want To Eliminate All The Disappointment That Can Come From Unanswered Calls and Having Women Flake Out on You, Then go to NoFlakesDVD.com"
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Pick Up Artist Secrets: Attracting a "10
If you are interested in meeting, attracting and keeping a
"10", then you should read this letter.
But first off, let go waaay back...
It was in my high school, that there was a girl in my class
who was seems so perfect.
She was smart, cool, and so beautiful it was hard to look at
her (and yet I couldn't look away)...
She was one of the popular kids, but was friendly to
everyone.
We talked occasionally, and looking back I realize we were
flirting (I was too stupid to realize at the time).
I was really wanted to ask her to senior prom... but at the
last minute I chickened out.
A few years later I realized she had a crush on me all
senior year.
I have talked to lot of men and this seems a common
experience to them. they missed an opportunity to meet this
ONE SPECIAL WOMAN who you crushed on from afar, or the girl
had broke their heart...
Ah, the hard to tame "10," a perfect girl that every guy
dream of but never seems to have it.
I have a lot to say about the concept of "10's," In deeper
sense they are another "breed" of women, but it is on the
way they think that makes them so.
Understanding the reality of the extremely beautiful women
and understanding your own fascination for a perfect women
will help you resolve this conundrum, and might even help
you in finding your "perfect girl."
First thing, the idea about "10" is just a myth. There's no
such thing as a perfect human being. You cannot tell that a
girl is more "valuable" just because she looks beautiful
than the other girl.
The woman that is perfect for you is the one who can turns
you on and have a great chemistry with you. That is the only
true "10".
Subsequently, there are a lot of 10's in the world, you just
need to have the ability to meet a bunch of women, and make
an options for yourself.
It will be a failure on your part if you treat women
differently just basing solely on looks or on whose much
prettier.
Why?
Because a lot of guys do that.
She knows what you're about and sees you as shallow.
But there definitely are certain women that seem on another
"level" of beauty than the rest. These women get treated
much differently than other women.
You need to understand on how you will deal with these kinds
of women.
Like I said, you shouldn't treat them "differently."
Let me clear this up.
You shouldn't treat them BETTER than other women. But there
are a couple things you need to know.
First, she is sick of guys chasing her for her looks alone.
She wants to be appreciated for her personality more than
anything else.
Now for the sake of yours, I''ll be giving you a heads up.
The so-called "10's" has two different types.
Low self-esteem and high self-esteem.
Low self esteem 10's are pretty common. They are used to
being wanted for their looks, but they know that they didn't
EARN that attention, so they have a guilt complex.
In fact, most of their lives they've probably coasted, and
are complete dumbasses.
It may sounds not good but I call it like it is.
These type of women will respond to jerk-behavior. Taking
away their validation will make them flip out and do
anything to get it back.
Anything.
(As a side, these girls usually suck in bed and are total
head cases when you get involved with them.)
On the other hand, the high self-esteem 10's women have had
a taste of elite- they know early from the start that high
levels of society were attainable to them, and they work
hard to be successful, intelligent, and make the most of
their lives.
These women are motivated to put an extra effort because
they know that they are just a little closer to a great life
than everyone else.
Usually these women have good attitudes, are intelligent,
have a direction in life and have lots of interests beyond
being clubbing.
Actually, most of beautiful women I've dated didn't even go
to the club. They like to spend their evenings being with
their families, reading, or having a nice dinner with
friends (or studying if they were in college).
Another interesting thing is that these women are single for
long periods of time while in-between boyfriends. Why?
The women here have a high standards for themselves, and
this makes most guys either too intimidated to approached
and ask them out, or act too needy and pathetic around them,
it's seldom they meet another man who is at the same level
with them.
But here's the good news. These women are the easiest to
attract when you understand The Attraction Code.
Being the best man you can be and being a "male 10" is what
you will get from these Attraction Code.
When you start to embody the Attraction Code you will surely
notice an interesting thing.
You'll get odd responses from less attractive women - they
will occasionally be rude to you because they know they're
not on your level - it's what I call the Auto-Rejection
Mechanism. Some women will try to protect themselves from
being rejected by you, by rejecting YOU first.
But the most attractive, cool women will respond much
differently...you'll be amazed to see the most beautiful
women warm right up to you as soon as you approach - whether
on the street or in the bar - because they can see that you
are on their "level."
She thinks to herself, "finally, a guy who can hang with me;
he's confident and treats me like a real person. And he's
the only guy who's actually tried to talk to me today,
instead of whistling from his car."
The Attraction Code is meant for these kinds of women. And
of course you'll have plenty of "adventures" to enjoy with
all kinds of women, but this is about having the option of
dating the hottest, highest quality women.
There are bunch of 10's out there waiting for you.
Don't waste you're time waiting for nothing.
Vin
Grab a copy of a FREE 45 minute masterclass on The
Attraction Code. You can sign up here: Dating Tips for Men and
also receive the Attraction Code Letter delivered straight
to your inbox.
"10", then you should read this letter.
But first off, let go waaay back...
It was in my high school, that there was a girl in my class
who was seems so perfect.
She was smart, cool, and so beautiful it was hard to look at
her (and yet I couldn't look away)...
She was one of the popular kids, but was friendly to
everyone.
We talked occasionally, and looking back I realize we were
flirting (I was too stupid to realize at the time).
I was really wanted to ask her to senior prom... but at the
last minute I chickened out.
A few years later I realized she had a crush on me all
senior year.
I have talked to lot of men and this seems a common
experience to them. they missed an opportunity to meet this
ONE SPECIAL WOMAN who you crushed on from afar, or the girl
had broke their heart...
Ah, the hard to tame "10," a perfect girl that every guy
dream of but never seems to have it.
I have a lot to say about the concept of "10's," In deeper
sense they are another "breed" of women, but it is on the
way they think that makes them so.
Understanding the reality of the extremely beautiful women
and understanding your own fascination for a perfect women
will help you resolve this conundrum, and might even help
you in finding your "perfect girl."
First thing, the idea about "10" is just a myth. There's no
such thing as a perfect human being. You cannot tell that a
girl is more "valuable" just because she looks beautiful
than the other girl.
The woman that is perfect for you is the one who can turns
you on and have a great chemistry with you. That is the only
true "10".
Subsequently, there are a lot of 10's in the world, you just
need to have the ability to meet a bunch of women, and make
an options for yourself.
It will be a failure on your part if you treat women
differently just basing solely on looks or on whose much
prettier.
Why?
Because a lot of guys do that.
She knows what you're about and sees you as shallow.
But there definitely are certain women that seem on another
"level" of beauty than the rest. These women get treated
much differently than other women.
You need to understand on how you will deal with these kinds
of women.
Like I said, you shouldn't treat them "differently."
Let me clear this up.
You shouldn't treat them BETTER than other women. But there
are a couple things you need to know.
First, she is sick of guys chasing her for her looks alone.
She wants to be appreciated for her personality more than
anything else.
Now for the sake of yours, I''ll be giving you a heads up.
The so-called "10's" has two different types.
Low self-esteem and high self-esteem.
Low self esteem 10's are pretty common. They are used to
being wanted for their looks, but they know that they didn't
EARN that attention, so they have a guilt complex.
In fact, most of their lives they've probably coasted, and
are complete dumbasses.
It may sounds not good but I call it like it is.
These type of women will respond to jerk-behavior. Taking
away their validation will make them flip out and do
anything to get it back.
Anything.
(As a side, these girls usually suck in bed and are total
head cases when you get involved with them.)
On the other hand, the high self-esteem 10's women have had
a taste of elite- they know early from the start that high
levels of society were attainable to them, and they work
hard to be successful, intelligent, and make the most of
their lives.
These women are motivated to put an extra effort because
they know that they are just a little closer to a great life
than everyone else.
Usually these women have good attitudes, are intelligent,
have a direction in life and have lots of interests beyond
being clubbing.
Actually, most of beautiful women I've dated didn't even go
to the club. They like to spend their evenings being with
their families, reading, or having a nice dinner with
friends (or studying if they were in college).
Another interesting thing is that these women are single for
long periods of time while in-between boyfriends. Why?
The women here have a high standards for themselves, and
this makes most guys either too intimidated to approached
and ask them out, or act too needy and pathetic around them,
it's seldom they meet another man who is at the same level
with them.
But here's the good news. These women are the easiest to
attract when you understand The Attraction Code.
Being the best man you can be and being a "male 10" is what
you will get from these Attraction Code.
When you start to embody the Attraction Code you will surely
notice an interesting thing.
You'll get odd responses from less attractive women - they
will occasionally be rude to you because they know they're
not on your level - it's what I call the Auto-Rejection
Mechanism. Some women will try to protect themselves from
being rejected by you, by rejecting YOU first.
But the most attractive, cool women will respond much
differently...you'll be amazed to see the most beautiful
women warm right up to you as soon as you approach - whether
on the street or in the bar - because they can see that you
are on their "level."
She thinks to herself, "finally, a guy who can hang with me;
he's confident and treats me like a real person. And he's
the only guy who's actually tried to talk to me today,
instead of whistling from his car."
The Attraction Code is meant for these kinds of women. And
of course you'll have plenty of "adventures" to enjoy with
all kinds of women, but this is about having the option of
dating the hottest, highest quality women.
There are bunch of 10's out there waiting for you.
Don't waste you're time waiting for nothing.
Vin
Grab a copy of a FREE 45 minute masterclass on The
Attraction Code. You can sign up here: Dating Tips for Men and
also receive the Attraction Code Letter delivered straight
to your inbox.
Monday, July 7, 2008
Supercharge Your Conversations Through Storytelling II
This is now the "Part II" of the storytelling newsletter.
In "Part I" we covered about the importance of storytelling and how it can improve your game dramatically. Now we are going to start using storytelling and from that we will understand why it is so powerful.
We are going to work on constructing your very own epics!
In "Part I" there were two things I've asked of you.
The first one is to create a list of 7-10 moments in your life that have changed and defined who you are, and the other was to write down 5 things about your identity that you want people to know about you.
We are going to start out working with these things.
First lets take out the 7-10 story ideas and cut them down to 5 solid ideas, eliminate the ones that you think may not seem to interesting to other people or ones that were "you kind of had to be there" stories.
Reflect on that 5 stories and see if which ones have the most emotional connection to you. From that, consider which of the stories would most interested in sharing with other people and which ones do you think could captivate and relate to your audience.
Now that you're down with 5 solid ideas, we are going to just focus on constructing 3 solid stories so you can go out and start using them immediately.
For now, your main target with these stories is women, so focus on which ones you think a woman is more interested in hearing. (Any women can become interested in any story if delivered properly, but if you have a good story about you watching dirty videos and eating pizza, it may be better left for the guys)
Also feel free to ask your friends about which story subjects they would be more interested in hearing to help narrow it down to 3 solid concepts.
And of course I'm sure there were still some of you out there that were to modest to come up with 10 ideas and only got around three, so I guess that makes your job easier.
As I said in “Part I” I'd do this exercise along with you, however, critiquing all 3 of my stories will take too long so we are just going to use one of my story concepts and build it from the ground up through the techniques I show you.
Now I am going to try to discard all the information on storytelling that I know and jot this story down from scratch (This actually happened to me the other day, so I figure this is a prime example)
"The other day I was at club voodoo with my friends and I roam around making some new friends and having a good time. Well there's one guy somehow works his way into my group but then ends up not leaving us alone all night, and he was really an annoying person that you just don't want to talk to. He kept making every interaction in the club awkward and would not leave until he actually gets a hint that we don't like his presence."
Pretty annoying story... I know, but we can turn this to something awesome.
First we need to understand the 3 components of a good story.
The first component, is "The Hook Question"
The object of the hook question is to make sure everyone in the group you are telling the story gets involved. It is use to captivate the group and it is the line you deliver to introduce your story.
When using the hook question make sure you have the attention of EVERYONE in the group before you start with the introduction of the story, because if there's one person not paying attention and they tune in halfway through your story, they are going to have no idea what is going and potentially pull the entire group away from your story.
Make eye contact or at least a nod from every member of the group before beginning your story.
There are two different types of hook questions.
An open ended hook question and a yes or no hook question.
Basing on my story here is the possible hook question:
An open ended hook question would be "How do you deal with people who you just want to leave you alone?"
A possible yes or no hook question would be "Have you ever been to club voodoo?"
Of the two hook I feel open ended hook question are better because it gets your audience more involved with the story you are about to tell, although a yes or no one is good also cause it gets you right into the story.
So let's add this to the story... (Find a hook question for your example stories as well)
For my story now, I'll be using an open ended hook questions so to start my story in the interaction I would say
Me: "Hey guys...how do you deal with people when you just can't get them to leave you alone?!"
Group: "blah blah"
Me: "Yeah that's interesting so check this out...the other day I am at club voodoo...(rest of story)
Now that you have the hook question down, we are going to rewrite our stories to demonstrate aspects of identity because the next step is to demonstrate personality.
There are a number of ways of doing this but for now lets go to our list of 5 things that you want to convey in your identity. Try to fit as many into the story as you can.
My 5 things were:
I am a very social person
I am a musician
I have a high and fun energy
I have a good sense of humor
I am interested in video and photography
Now you want to try to at least fit 3 of your 5 things into the story, but if its awkward and seems out of place then just get at least 1 or 2 in. You need one though, but the very manner you deliver the story may convey a lot about yourself.
Other ways to convey personality is to act out your characters. Bring your stories into life.
Another important aspect in expressing your personality in your stories is by speeding up your voice during moments of excitement and slowing it down during more intense moments to create tension.
You should always have tension build up to excitement or your audience will have a feeling of lack of resolution but that is the last component of a story that I will get into shortly.
Speeding up, pauses, and slowing your voice down is hard for me to sow you through a newsletter, but when you recite your stories out loud you will gain a natural since of where each belongs and will improve through reactions with your audience.
So now I am going to rewrite my story as it stands to convey my personality...
Me: "Hey guys...how do you deal with people when you just caaaaannt (exaggerated can't to show frustration with the situation and convey more personality) get them to leave you alone?!"
Group: "blah blah"
Me: "Yeah that's interesting so check this out...the other day I am at club voodoo and I walk in with a group of my friends and random people we met on the way (social) and there is a decent amount of people in the club, we are all having a great time (fun) and meeting lots of cool new people (social).
Well this one guy somehow works his into my "group" (putting finger quotes around it) and he just has this vibe. Like he is so out of place, he was walking around with a Harley Davison Motorcycle hat on and like this tainted banana colored polo (Painting this scene gets them laughing and displays humor and some understand of social norms and fashion.)
So my friends and I keep trying to away from him but he just won't back down, he would just follow us everywhere we went, buzzing around like a mosquito..(pause)..with a really bad taste in clothing (humor)...you would think he could get the hint when we were practically jogging away (act out slight jogging motion).
Eventually he finally goes away and we start to have a fun night again.
As you can see, the story starts to build up but it has no resolution, it just kind of ends.
The last component of story is the punch line. A punch line is often used for humor and ties up the story. Its biggest importance is to let the audience know it's over. It can be one line or much more... The punch line can be a small extension of the story to bring further resolution to the issue. This is where you can get creative and give some lamer stories a much cooler ending.
You need to create a dramatic build up in order to have a successful delivery of your punch line in your story, such as by slowing down your words and then once the comic relief or resolution comes, you speed the conversation back up.
The actual ending to my story involves the creepy guy going into the bathroom, some guy that was annoyed by him jokingly bumping into him while the creepy was using the urinal, and the creepy guy pissed on the front of his pants, got embarrassed and left.
Now, first off, it was kind of rude on that one guy's part and I don't want to associate myself with friends like that. Also...a guy pissing on himself is an odd thing to share during the initial interaction.
So I am going to do a little story morphing by combining a similar, less gross incident that happened that night.
Nothing wrong with changing up some incidents if it makes things more entertaining...after all...it's a "STORY"
Now here's the updated story with the new punch line:
Me: "Hey guys...how do you deal with people when you just caaaaannt get them to leave you alone?!"
Group: "blah blah"
Me: "Yeah that's interesting so check this out...the other day I am at Club Voodoo and I walk in with a group of my friends and random people we met on the way and there is a decent amount of people in the club, we are all having a great time and meeting lots of cool new people. Well this one guy somehow works his into my "group" and he just has this vibe. Like he is so out of place, he was walking around with a Harley Davison Motorcycle hat on and like this tainted banana colored polo. So my friends and I keep trying to avoid him but he just won't back down, he would just follow us everywhere we went, buzzing around like a mosquito...with a really bad taste in clothing...you would think he could get the hint when we were practically jogging away. Anyway...my friends and I get away from him and are on the top floor and we make a super tall pyramid out of energy drink cans. (Illustrate structure with arms). Then all of a sudden, the creepy guy weasels his way onto the floor and sits down at our table...and like a jackass he tries to add a can to the structure. (Start slowing things down for the punch line) Little did he know...that although the Red Bull on the top of the structure was opened...it was full...so this guy tries to add his can to the top then BAM!...................the whole structure falls right into his lap and the filled soda can pours all over his crotch! It looked like he wet his pants! His face turns beat red and he just runs downstairs and we assume he left the club cause we didn't see him again...I don't know what the big deal is...I thought it was hilarious! (Final punch line, they know the story is over)
Now if you have done these three steps to your stories, you got some great stuff on your hands.
HOWEVER....there is still a few more sprinkles you are going to want to add to your story someday.
These things are the secret little tips of successful storytelling.
The first and most important is creating check in points.
Check in points are mini questions you throw into your story making sure that you have the full attention of the audience. It gets them more involved.
Examples are "That ever happen to you?" "Don't you hate when that happens?" "You know what I mean?"
Just make sure they are not obvious and sounding like you are taking time out for them to go into detail about your check in point question.
Another good way to check in is to compare aspects of your story to the current situation you are in. ex. "Kind of like that over there" "Reminds me of her (point to person)."
You should at least have two check in points near the start and in the middle. If you are doing everything right, your audience will be captivated and waiting for the build up of the punch line so you won't need one near the end.
If ever you see someone walking away or the attention's not in you, throw one out to regain focus. An example in a passage of my story would be:
"Like he is so out of place, he was walking around with a Harley Davison Motorcycle hat on and like this tainted banana colored polo. You know when someone is clearly just lost and not sure what he or she is doing....kind of like that guy over there (point to someone similar)."
You don't always need a full response with your check in points. A nod is perfectly okay when regaining focus of the audience.
In "Part I" we covered about the importance of storytelling and how it can improve your game dramatically. Now we are going to start using storytelling and from that we will understand why it is so powerful.
We are going to work on constructing your very own epics!
In "Part I" there were two things I've asked of you.
The first one is to create a list of 7-10 moments in your life that have changed and defined who you are, and the other was to write down 5 things about your identity that you want people to know about you.
We are going to start out working with these things.
First lets take out the 7-10 story ideas and cut them down to 5 solid ideas, eliminate the ones that you think may not seem to interesting to other people or ones that were "you kind of had to be there" stories.
Reflect on that 5 stories and see if which ones have the most emotional connection to you. From that, consider which of the stories would most interested in sharing with other people and which ones do you think could captivate and relate to your audience.
Now that you're down with 5 solid ideas, we are going to just focus on constructing 3 solid stories so you can go out and start using them immediately.
For now, your main target with these stories is women, so focus on which ones you think a woman is more interested in hearing. (Any women can become interested in any story if delivered properly, but if you have a good story about you watching dirty videos and eating pizza, it may be better left for the guys)
Also feel free to ask your friends about which story subjects they would be more interested in hearing to help narrow it down to 3 solid concepts.
And of course I'm sure there were still some of you out there that were to modest to come up with 10 ideas and only got around three, so I guess that makes your job easier.
As I said in “Part I” I'd do this exercise along with you, however, critiquing all 3 of my stories will take too long so we are just going to use one of my story concepts and build it from the ground up through the techniques I show you.
Now I am going to try to discard all the information on storytelling that I know and jot this story down from scratch (This actually happened to me the other day, so I figure this is a prime example)
"The other day I was at club voodoo with my friends and I roam around making some new friends and having a good time. Well there's one guy somehow works his way into my group but then ends up not leaving us alone all night, and he was really an annoying person that you just don't want to talk to. He kept making every interaction in the club awkward and would not leave until he actually gets a hint that we don't like his presence."
Pretty annoying story... I know, but we can turn this to something awesome.
First we need to understand the 3 components of a good story.
The first component, is "The Hook Question"
The object of the hook question is to make sure everyone in the group you are telling the story gets involved. It is use to captivate the group and it is the line you deliver to introduce your story.
When using the hook question make sure you have the attention of EVERYONE in the group before you start with the introduction of the story, because if there's one person not paying attention and they tune in halfway through your story, they are going to have no idea what is going and potentially pull the entire group away from your story.
Make eye contact or at least a nod from every member of the group before beginning your story.
There are two different types of hook questions.
An open ended hook question and a yes or no hook question.
Basing on my story here is the possible hook question:
An open ended hook question would be "How do you deal with people who you just want to leave you alone?"
A possible yes or no hook question would be "Have you ever been to club voodoo?"
Of the two hook I feel open ended hook question are better because it gets your audience more involved with the story you are about to tell, although a yes or no one is good also cause it gets you right into the story.
So let's add this to the story... (Find a hook question for your example stories as well)
For my story now, I'll be using an open ended hook questions so to start my story in the interaction I would say
Me: "Hey guys...how do you deal with people when you just can't get them to leave you alone?!"
Group: "blah blah"
Me: "Yeah that's interesting so check this out...the other day I am at club voodoo...(rest of story)
Now that you have the hook question down, we are going to rewrite our stories to demonstrate aspects of identity because the next step is to demonstrate personality.
There are a number of ways of doing this but for now lets go to our list of 5 things that you want to convey in your identity. Try to fit as many into the story as you can.
My 5 things were:
I am a very social person
I am a musician
I have a high and fun energy
I have a good sense of humor
I am interested in video and photography
Now you want to try to at least fit 3 of your 5 things into the story, but if its awkward and seems out of place then just get at least 1 or 2 in. You need one though, but the very manner you deliver the story may convey a lot about yourself.
Other ways to convey personality is to act out your characters. Bring your stories into life.
Another important aspect in expressing your personality in your stories is by speeding up your voice during moments of excitement and slowing it down during more intense moments to create tension.
You should always have tension build up to excitement or your audience will have a feeling of lack of resolution but that is the last component of a story that I will get into shortly.
Speeding up, pauses, and slowing your voice down is hard for me to sow you through a newsletter, but when you recite your stories out loud you will gain a natural since of where each belongs and will improve through reactions with your audience.
So now I am going to rewrite my story as it stands to convey my personality...
Me: "Hey guys...how do you deal with people when you just caaaaannt (exaggerated can't to show frustration with the situation and convey more personality) get them to leave you alone?!"
Group: "blah blah"
Me: "Yeah that's interesting so check this out...the other day I am at club voodoo and I walk in with a group of my friends and random people we met on the way (social) and there is a decent amount of people in the club, we are all having a great time (fun) and meeting lots of cool new people (social).
Well this one guy somehow works his into my "group" (putting finger quotes around it) and he just has this vibe. Like he is so out of place, he was walking around with a Harley Davison Motorcycle hat on and like this tainted banana colored polo (Painting this scene gets them laughing and displays humor and some understand of social norms and fashion.)
So my friends and I keep trying to away from him but he just won't back down, he would just follow us everywhere we went, buzzing around like a mosquito..(pause)..with a really bad taste in clothing (humor)...you would think he could get the hint when we were practically jogging away (act out slight jogging motion).
Eventually he finally goes away and we start to have a fun night again.
As you can see, the story starts to build up but it has no resolution, it just kind of ends.
The last component of story is the punch line. A punch line is often used for humor and ties up the story. Its biggest importance is to let the audience know it's over. It can be one line or much more... The punch line can be a small extension of the story to bring further resolution to the issue. This is where you can get creative and give some lamer stories a much cooler ending.
You need to create a dramatic build up in order to have a successful delivery of your punch line in your story, such as by slowing down your words and then once the comic relief or resolution comes, you speed the conversation back up.
The actual ending to my story involves the creepy guy going into the bathroom, some guy that was annoyed by him jokingly bumping into him while the creepy was using the urinal, and the creepy guy pissed on the front of his pants, got embarrassed and left.
Now, first off, it was kind of rude on that one guy's part and I don't want to associate myself with friends like that. Also...a guy pissing on himself is an odd thing to share during the initial interaction.
So I am going to do a little story morphing by combining a similar, less gross incident that happened that night.
Nothing wrong with changing up some incidents if it makes things more entertaining...after all...it's a "STORY"
Now here's the updated story with the new punch line:
Me: "Hey guys...how do you deal with people when you just caaaaannt get them to leave you alone?!"
Group: "blah blah"
Me: "Yeah that's interesting so check this out...the other day I am at Club Voodoo and I walk in with a group of my friends and random people we met on the way and there is a decent amount of people in the club, we are all having a great time and meeting lots of cool new people. Well this one guy somehow works his into my "group" and he just has this vibe. Like he is so out of place, he was walking around with a Harley Davison Motorcycle hat on and like this tainted banana colored polo. So my friends and I keep trying to avoid him but he just won't back down, he would just follow us everywhere we went, buzzing around like a mosquito...with a really bad taste in clothing...you would think he could get the hint when we were practically jogging away. Anyway...my friends and I get away from him and are on the top floor and we make a super tall pyramid out of energy drink cans. (Illustrate structure with arms). Then all of a sudden, the creepy guy weasels his way onto the floor and sits down at our table...and like a jackass he tries to add a can to the structure. (Start slowing things down for the punch line) Little did he know...that although the Red Bull on the top of the structure was opened...it was full...so this guy tries to add his can to the top then BAM!...................the whole structure falls right into his lap and the filled soda can pours all over his crotch! It looked like he wet his pants! His face turns beat red and he just runs downstairs and we assume he left the club cause we didn't see him again...I don't know what the big deal is...I thought it was hilarious! (Final punch line, they know the story is over)
Now if you have done these three steps to your stories, you got some great stuff on your hands.
HOWEVER....there is still a few more sprinkles you are going to want to add to your story someday.
These things are the secret little tips of successful storytelling.
The first and most important is creating check in points.
Check in points are mini questions you throw into your story making sure that you have the full attention of the audience. It gets them more involved.
Examples are "That ever happen to you?" "Don't you hate when that happens?" "You know what I mean?"
Just make sure they are not obvious and sounding like you are taking time out for them to go into detail about your check in point question.
Another good way to check in is to compare aspects of your story to the current situation you are in. ex. "Kind of like that over there" "Reminds me of her (point to person)."
You should at least have two check in points near the start and in the middle. If you are doing everything right, your audience will be captivated and waiting for the build up of the punch line so you won't need one near the end.
If ever you see someone walking away or the attention's not in you, throw one out to regain focus. An example in a passage of my story would be:
"Like he is so out of place, he was walking around with a Harley Davison Motorcycle hat on and like this tainted banana colored polo. You know when someone is clearly just lost and not sure what he or she is doing....kind of like that guy over there (point to someone similar)."
You don't always need a full response with your check in points. A nod is perfectly okay when regaining focus of the audience.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Tips in Attracting Women
There are men that will not be great when it comes to women.
"What?!"
You might be thinking I'm crazy, but it's true.
A lot of men just can't be there.
And it's not because they're not smart enough or somehow defective...
The truth is, it's a subconscious choice that they have made unknowingly.
Now I'm here to help in making sure that you are or will not one of those guys.
What you will hear from me may probably not be hear from other gurus because it's such a very subtle but very powerful fix that most leave it out of the equation.
Let me tell you about Matt. He is a good guy and likes to socialize.Actually he has taken a bootcamp with another one of the pickup companies. But Matt still doesn't get the success he really wants; in fact he's not successful at all.
"Vin, why don't you help him!?"
There are a couple reasons why I don't help Matt out. One being he's too set in his ways and is stubborn.
BUT, that's not the real reason. If he was only stubborn I'd have an easy time changing his mind about things.
The real reason why I can't help him is the same reason why he isn't successful with women.
I've already said Matt's a good guy, but every time I talk to him I get the feeling like he wants something from me. In fact a lot of our common friends have said the same thing to me about him.
We don't like hanging out with him and neither do women.
Matt always give this vibe of having a hidden motive. He talks to you like a friend, which is great, but he naturally gives off a vibe that says to me that he's trying to take knowledge, power and fun from me.
The same thing happens when he's talking to girls. He treats them in a friendly manner and is funny but always gives off this vibe that on another level he has an underlying motive.
Having intentions with women isn't a bad thing. If you express your sensual desire openly women will accept it, especially if you have tight game. It may even turn them on. IN FACT it will skyrocket your conversion rate if you do it the right way.
But if you hide your intentions and you come off as creepy and weird. Women won't trust you or feel secure being around you alone. You could be the best actor in the world but... THEY WILL KNOW.
Being creepy is the "Death" card in the Tarot deck of your love life. This will destroy any chance of success you might have.
Now you know what might be going wrong. Let's go fix it.
The first thing you need to do is to begin being fun and unattached to the outcome whenever you can. This isn't about giving back money. This could be anything from telling a great story to a group or being a great host to a bunch of your friends. It could also be a compliment (in the right way of course) or a tease that will spike emotions in way that is fun to a girl.
Be out there talking to women not just because you want to pickup, but because women are amazing and fun and interesting and wonderful.
Next is you need to start being clear about your intentions. This doesn't mean directly telling a women "My purpose of talking to you is so that I can get into your pants." That's a sure way to kill your pickup as fast as being creepy.
There are small subtle changes you can make in your behavior that will affect how your intentions are perceived and if you're congruent with what you're saying. There are so many small fixes that I could write a novel on them.
Do you want to read a novel about fixing your creepy vibe and then taking the months to use it that it will require? I didn't think so. I wouldn't want to spend the months writing that novel either.
"What?!"
You might be thinking I'm crazy, but it's true.
A lot of men just can't be there.
And it's not because they're not smart enough or somehow defective...
The truth is, it's a subconscious choice that they have made unknowingly.
Now I'm here to help in making sure that you are or will not one of those guys.
What you will hear from me may probably not be hear from other gurus because it's such a very subtle but very powerful fix that most leave it out of the equation.
Let me tell you about Matt. He is a good guy and likes to socialize.Actually he has taken a bootcamp with another one of the pickup companies. But Matt still doesn't get the success he really wants; in fact he's not successful at all.
"Vin, why don't you help him!?"
There are a couple reasons why I don't help Matt out. One being he's too set in his ways and is stubborn.
BUT, that's not the real reason. If he was only stubborn I'd have an easy time changing his mind about things.
The real reason why I can't help him is the same reason why he isn't successful with women.
I've already said Matt's a good guy, but every time I talk to him I get the feeling like he wants something from me. In fact a lot of our common friends have said the same thing to me about him.
We don't like hanging out with him and neither do women.
Matt always give this vibe of having a hidden motive. He talks to you like a friend, which is great, but he naturally gives off a vibe that says to me that he's trying to take knowledge, power and fun from me.
The same thing happens when he's talking to girls. He treats them in a friendly manner and is funny but always gives off this vibe that on another level he has an underlying motive.
Having intentions with women isn't a bad thing. If you express your sensual desire openly women will accept it, especially if you have tight game. It may even turn them on. IN FACT it will skyrocket your conversion rate if you do it the right way.
But if you hide your intentions and you come off as creepy and weird. Women won't trust you or feel secure being around you alone. You could be the best actor in the world but... THEY WILL KNOW.
Being creepy is the "Death" card in the Tarot deck of your love life. This will destroy any chance of success you might have.
Now you know what might be going wrong. Let's go fix it.
The first thing you need to do is to begin being fun and unattached to the outcome whenever you can. This isn't about giving back money. This could be anything from telling a great story to a group or being a great host to a bunch of your friends. It could also be a compliment (in the right way of course) or a tease that will spike emotions in way that is fun to a girl.
Be out there talking to women not just because you want to pickup, but because women are amazing and fun and interesting and wonderful.
Next is you need to start being clear about your intentions. This doesn't mean directly telling a women "My purpose of talking to you is so that I can get into your pants." That's a sure way to kill your pickup as fast as being creepy.
There are small subtle changes you can make in your behavior that will affect how your intentions are perceived and if you're congruent with what you're saying. There are so many small fixes that I could write a novel on them.
Do you want to read a novel about fixing your creepy vibe and then taking the months to use it that it will require? I didn't think so. I wouldn't want to spend the months writing that novel either.
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